Friday, October 1, 2010

On Husbands

Recently I have been thinking a lot about something that I noticed often when I was a teenager.  It is a strange phenomenon I refer to as Husband Bashing.  It is something I really don't get at all.  It almost seemed like a bizarre competition some of the time.  Why in the world would a woman go around boasting about how inept their husband is as a man, father, person, etc.  Especially since they are the one who chose to marry him (I don't see many/any arranged marriages around here).  As far as I am concerned it just shows, among many other things, what poor judgment and wisdom skills they have. 

My Mom has commented on it before.  One of the things she does when she is put in the uncomfortable position of having to listen as a woman poor mouths her husband, is to respond with something positive that my Dad does.  While it may irritate whomever she is speaking to, it also serves to nicely shut them up and convey that she is not interested in joining in their sport.  And speaking of sport, how sportsmanlike is it to bad mouth the person whom you know all the best and worst of, to the most minute detail.  Especially because in most cases it is done behind their back. 

I really don't understand it.  Aren't you supposed to become as one when you marry? Aren't you supposed to become greater together than you could each have ever been apart? How can that happen when you are individually chipping at the foundation of the other person.  Why is your husband considered an acceptable target?

I understand that there are some husbands who really are contemptible.  For those women, I am truly sorry.  However, wouldn't it make more sense to remove yourself from the situation or try to fix the situation than to sit around and complain about it?  I also understand that sometimes people can be very unpleasantly surprised at how their spouse has changed from when they were dating, however, I believe that road is usually a two way street.

What made me think of all this was actually reflecting on how wonderful Hey, Babe is to me, our children, our individual families, to friends, and even to strangers.  He is kind, considerate, patient, generous, and understanding.  He is a hard worker and genuinely works to improve himself.  He does diapers, and helps get the kids to bed at night and ready in the mornings.  He takes crying babies and walks the floor with them so I can get some rest.  He cleans up from dinner when I cook and makes dinner when I just can't do it.  He brings me chocolates when he knows I've had a rough day or even just because he knows I like it.  When grocery shopping made me nauseous while I was pregnant, he completely took it over, and then continued to do it even after it no longer made me ill.  There are so many things that he does both big and seemingly little.  I am sure that anyone reading this would be bored long before I finished listing them all (if you aren't already).  Because of who he is, I want to be a better person.  When I married him I really did get a gem, and for that I am eternally grateful.

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